Anyone who’s ever hung around with musicians knows that we are mad. Not only are we completely bonkers, we also always do everything at the last minute. And even when we try to do things on time, our plans are foiled on account of everyone else doing everything at the last minute. We finish songs the day before we’re meant to record them, we finally learn to play something by heart the day of a concert, we change the lyrics a second before we enter the studio, and we generally make things difficult for everyone around us.

Which is why I’m sitting here, less than two weeks before my final vocal exam, with no drummer for the last song.

See, here’s the deal: I am going to play a song from the latest project at school, an original tune, but the drummer for my group leaves the country or something the day before my exam, which creates one hell of a problem for me. So after asking everyone in sight and making a pleading post on Facebook, all to no avail, it seems I have exhausted my resources and will be forced to go back to the first drummer I asked and beg on my knees. This wonderful human being told me that if I really couldn’t find anyone else I could ask again and he’d think about it.

So I will bribe, flatter and grovel until he says yes. It’s the only option I have left, because at this point, everyone is busy. Drummers are in short supply and everyone wants the best ones. I’m sad to say that there’s at least one person at school I wouldn’t dream of asking because I know by second hand account that he just isn’t up to snuff.

The one I really want, the one I’m about to beg to take it on, is one of the very best, and thus very busiest. But maybe, just maybe, it will be possible to persuade him. I’ll promise him beer, or wine, or whisky, and if that doesn’t work, eternal gratitude and a million favours. Because if I turn up at my exam and say, sorry, I can only play three of my songs, that’s not gonna look so good, and I really, really meant to get an A this year. At least a B.

Oh please, world, pretty please will you be on my side just this once at let me manage this? I need help!