It’s just passed midnight, and a new year as begun for me; I am now 22 years old. There are so many things I want to do with this year, and I know I won’t accomplish all of them. I really want to get back to my writing. It’s been a long time since I really did any of that, any significant amount, at least. I keep thinking I should get back to it, sometimes I even pull up a document with something I’ve worked on before, but it never gets anywhere.

Sometimes it’s just because I’m lazy. Other times, I’m just not inspired. I know, the eternal complaint of the creative. “I have writer’s block; I’m not inspired!” You can’t say that in other professions. You can’t really say that in creative professions either, which makes being a writer, song-writer or artist so very difficult. You can’t go around missing deadlines, you can’t always wait for inspiration to strike. Sometimes you just have to muscle up the willpower to go out there, start something, anything, and see where it leads. Sometimes you have material to work with, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you stare at a blank page for hours and sometimes, alas how rarely, inspiration just flows from your fingertips and everything turns out right on the first try.

You can’t always expect that to happen. And you have to work hard for it either way. You can have all the creative ideas in the world. It doesn’t mean squat diddly if you can’t harness them and make them do your bidding, turn them into a product that others want to see. That’s how it is when you write a book. That’s how it is when you write a song. That’s how it is when you paint something. You have to develop the skills necessary to harness your creativity. Which is why this not writing thing is so bad. I need to keep at it, become better, in order to create something. And at the same time, I’m working hard at my singing, hoping for something great to happen so I can get my break, but you have to work for that too.

Maybe I’m not cut out to be a professional… Then again, I’m still young. Although I’m older now than I was an hour ago, I still have time to figure it all out.

I had a talk with an old friend today. He said that I need to figure these things out before it’s too late. That I have to figure out what I want in my professional life, not just my personal one. And maybe he’s right. I just don’t know if I’m ready to take that step yet, to commit to one future.

At least not today. Today is my birthday, and I’m gonna live in the moment, and celebrate!