Forgive me, Internet, for I have sinned. It’s been over a week since my last blog post.

The reason is that I’m not doing so well. I try not to get too personal here, because I think there are enough blogs out there that do that, and I intended for this website to showcase my work, not to be my own personal whinge-fest, but at this point I figure why not…

Like most people in the world, I have bipolar tendencies. For me, this means that every once in a while, sometimes at close intervals and sometimes once every other year, I get depressed. There’s not necessarily a reason for it, though it’s not hard to take a guess at what triggered it this time. I’m homesick, I miss my boyfriend and all my friends back home, and while I do have good friends here too, it’s just not the same when I’m confronted every day on Facebook with pictures from parties I couldn’t go to and nights out I couldn’t attend.

It’s not even necessarily that I want to go to all these parties and things… After all, I’m sort of a recluse sometimes. But it would be nice if I could choose to do so. I want to be at home with the people I love, and I don’t want to leave again.

That’s how I feel right now. That’s not necessarily how I’ll feel next week. Like I said, I have good friends here, and as soon as I get out of this funk I’m in I’ll be happy to be here again, I’m sure. It’s just that right now I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to write an analysis of For Once in My Life, I don’t want to worry about my dissertation in May, I don’t want to cook for one, I don’t want to sit in the kitchen with the others and I don’t want to be alone in my room. I want to go home and be with Morten and not worry about anything.

I have had fun… If I make myself do stuff with my friends I do have fun, but afterward I just sink into myself again. I had a great time out on Saturday, for instance, with Emma and Renee and her friends from jitsu. Just look how much fun I had:

Literally so much fun it’s almost criminal! We had a great time in Wolverhampton, drinking and chatting and everything. I came out of my shell, met new people and fully enjoyed myself. But when it was all over and I got home it was all the same again… I hate it when that happens… I wish I could be happy all the time, and that it would last.

So, basically, I’ve had a shitty week for no real reason, and this one isn’t looking much better, the bright spot being that I’m going home on Wednesday. It’s only for a few days, I’ll be back here Sunday, but it might be enough for now that I don’t go completely insane. The next time I blog, it’ll be more cheerful, I promise. Happy Monday!

EDIT:

2nd November, 03:15

Just had a nice chat on MSN with Morten. I’ve watched QI and listened to Placebo all night. Feeling a little better at the moment. Here’s to hoping it’ll last so I’ll get something done on my analysis tomorrow.