That seems to be my limit. That’s how long I can go without seeing Morten. In this third and final week before he comes to see me or I go to see him, I become depressed and irritable. Everything annoys me, even myself. I crave company, but I shun society. All I really want to do is lock myself up in my room and not look at anyone, and I feel impossibly lonely and desolate even if I don’t. Life just seems dark.

I just don’t have the energy to do any of the stuff I need to do. I need to work on my analysis. I need to practice lyrics. I should be singing. But I’m not. I don’t want to, and I can’t be arsed. I feel apathetic and lonely.

I’ll see him in two days, but even that seems like little comfort at the moment. A huge part of me just wants to leave. Go home and not look back. I know I won’t feel this way next week, but I do now. And I keep looking ahead, too. I will be here on my birthday. I will be here, and Morten won’t even be able to come see me cause he’ll be too busy studying for exams. Around that same time I’ll be playing the gig for my performance project. He won’t be able to come for that either, and that makes me sad.

Everything makes me sad. I don’t want to be sad.