Tonight is Aiden’s interim task. I’m a bit sad that I won’t be singing with him and his band anymore after this, even if it does add to my workload… It’s fun being asked to help someone else for a change.

Do you know, this is actually the first time ever that anyone has asked me to sing with them in a band? And even this time I offered first… In the past, I’ve offered and they’ve always picked someone else. The idea that anyone would ever approach me and ask if I wanted to sing with them seems simply ludicrous…

I try not to let it get to me. Does stuff to the self-esteem, you know? Never being asked. Am I just not good enough? But that’s stupid, I know I do well. I’ve received high marks for my singing in the past, and people always tell me I did well after a gig and they sound like they mean it. But they never think to ask me. Then, to cheer myself up, I think maybe it’s that they think I’m too good. I hardly ever ask the best because I just assume they’ll be really busy already… Except I do, when I pluck up the courage, I do ask even though I know they’ll say no, so that one doesn’t work either. And besides, I’m really not that good.

I would love to be in someone else’s dissertation band. It would give me something to do, things to learn, stuff to think about. It would take my mind off the loneliness and uncertainty. Keep me occupied.

Not that I need more to do right now. Aiden’s interim task tonight, mine tomorrow. And my bassist texted me this morning and told me he couldn’t make it to rehearsal tomorrow morning. Which really, really sucks. It’s not that we haven’t gone through the songs and all quite well already, it’s just that it’ll make me feel insecure and uncertain and I just won’t do that well. I can’t afford another low mark in this module, not after the D7 Steve Spencer gave me for my milestone presentation before Christmas.

Now, whiny emo stuff over with, Happy International Women’s Day! Ladies, it’s a day for kickin’ arse and takin’ names! So get to it! Be awesome! And don’t let men talk down at you today!